More lessons to learn

The bad news... with moral lessons
Several conversations with multiple people have sparked many thoughts in me tonight. In span of 3-4 hours I managed to conduct at least 11 sessions on the phone, sms, MSN and ICQ itself. For two nights in a row I've been suffocating tears under my pillow hoping tired and swollen eyes would sedate me to sleep...something which I haven't been doing for sometime. This is the problem with holidays...too free that you start thinking a lot of nonsense.

The first complication is if I am ready for relationships. I don't think so. I'm not ready to start accepting even the smallest challenges. I'm not ready to be prepared in case I get hurt. I still shed tears when sudden thoughts reappear in my head what happened between me and my last relationship. This is taking me very long to heal. I still think the way things turned out, are also contributed to my faults. I don't think twice and rationally enough. It's been too long April, get over it. That's not so easy and I'm still trying. but things have improved since long ago =D I'll wait till I'm ready and no longer be impulsive.

A second issue would be the way I handle my friends. I have to answer if I do take them for granted using them as a punching bag and not really listen to them. I had someone tell me that I make other people feel guilty of having a good time when I come approach them with my problems. Maybe, I should start taking problems into my own hands and take more concern in the welfare of others everytime.

Just awhile ago I was accused of being 'kiasu'. People say I've changed. To me they've changed. I refuse to really comment for it's stubbornly drilled to only my understanding of the whole situation. And I will handle this myself. I know these two are VERY sensitive and I'll try to put myself in as a sensitive person in their shoes. I'll do more role playing before taking actions and saying something.

The good news.

I'm doing everything my parents say, I gave them phone numbers of my friends to contact them incase i go missing and return home late. Relationship with parents has improved so far and I'll make the effort to. Will be going jogging with mom tomorrow and sit down for career talks with dad =D

To understand the value of money, I'm looking for a job. I've typed out a resume for madscience hope i get to work for them. Or I'll go source for work in other places =D

I behaved myself and watched my tone the whole day. I'm very sure I have neither overreacted and overexaggerated the whole day or raised the tone of my voice above 20 decibles except for singing.

I'll really need deep and plenty of comments for this entry. Thanks guys.