How I spent Valentines Day. A sarcastic badly written essay by April Yim

The day started with the sound of my Mother's Voice; She tells me she's dropped by to cook me a nice dinner so I would stop eating rice and eggs for dinner everynight. It's already 9:30am and I'll definitely be late for work. Despite that naggy feeling the voice in my head that makes announcements when I do something even minutely wrong, I must have my morning bath. Or I can't work my way through the day. Somehow, my shower foam didn't have any relaxing properties on this cursed day as promised by it's packaging. And they mixed the sambal in my morning Nasi Lemak. And then, it came to me as I exited the door...the calender had a motif of a pair of in-those-times-hot-looking chinese couple sitting on a pair of Mandarin Ducks...Valentines Day.

Slamming the car door behind me, I withdrew a CD from my Burger casing and blasted on songs like Matchbox 20's push, Dashboard Confessionals' Best Deceptions, and the song of the day, Bachelor Girl's Buses and trains. Despite all the joy and love in that nearly half of the world came to being all of a sudden (made possible by GMT and the Earth rotating on axis) I managed to somehow (on purpose actually) to test the tempers of a few road users. following that, none of the senior fulltimers even reached the store in time so I lucked out from being labelled 'un-punctual'

Yawning constantly, I realised I shouldn't have stayed up so late dreaming that Men who thought like Shakespear existed plus, thinking of thoughts that worked up my olfactory and optical glands. The new part timer guy was scaring me. He was small, insanely dark and ugly yet, he acts like he's some casanova in a Bollywood movie. No thank you. Looking out of the window, I was sick of looking at wrapped flowers and oddly shaped couples, who came in pixie sizes, abominable sizes and shades I'd rather not mention. (Yes, yes I'm being very sore but please read the following before thinking of sentences how to critcise me)

So then what happens when it's just too much to take??? If you can't beat em', join em'. I'll have my very own narcissitic Valentines day dedicated to a wonderful person like me, by me. I pampered myself with a 1/2 a hundred ringgit book on Chinese Philosophy, a new top, a cuppa of Ceylon tea and a Dairy Queen sandwich. Dinner at the book cafe was also at my auntie's expense hahahahah. At the time the mall was closing, chocolates were going for a large cut price and the management of the mall disposed their roses with me.

I came back to enjoy a warm and soothing Milk Bath after a hard days work, massage myself with essential oils, stroke my skin lovingly with smooth lotion, and wearing a very publically tempting ensemble before heading to Tesco with my aunt (who also presented me with a really nice watch!). At Tesco, I purchased a wonderful block of brie cheese to enjoy with the wine back at Tmn Tun, flirted with the eyes of the interested and teased the envious stares and had a wonderful biological talk about the anatomy of crabs with the person in charge of the fish section.


It feels so good to be checked out and a super ego boosting rushes through like me on the Kesas Highway driving a Dodge Viper (without having a significant other to control what you wear or tolerate his/her tempers when they get jealous). A whole day of spoling me and loving me without having to panic over another person but just selfishly being me, myself and I. At least now I can actually walk through life and especially Valentine's Day without having to be envious but proud that I'm doing the single thing. ;D. A whole day of spoling me and loving me without having to panic over another person but just selfishly being me, myself and I. At least now I can actually walk through life and especially Valentine's Day without having to be envious but proud that I'm doing the single thing. ;D


(645 words)