10/14/2006

Self pity is an addiction.

Even if something that you wished didn't happen has passed on. It makes a lingering presence in the back of your mind.

We can try very hard to neglect the dormancy of unwanted thoughts. Put forward our best foot foward so they say..a step at a time in our own pace. I try, by getting out with others, walk on stretches of streets/beaches or stand watching the night skyline on altitude alone . I really want to stop thinking about some things. Then there are times where I'm asked to sink back in as my conscience as I meet friends who remind me of myself at such dreary states. There would be moments I wake from day dreams of self discovered bliss to realise that I've been avoiding the same repetitive questions I should answer.

I, like most humans in a position as such would round the possibilities. Spinning, never quite finding our way out of things. I get dizzy, confused and then fall into relapses where I feel incredibly helpless. People will be there but they can't really help until I want to move myself. Life is incredibly good to me, but I'm still trying to piece some pieces back together.

The whole thing has made me a human jigsaw. I can't be too long and too hard at it, or I'll get that nasty backache so I try to stand up and get around. But I have to get back at it soon...hopefully I'll get the whole picture soon.

Isn't it a peculiar thing... how people being people feed their afflictions of pain enjoying the addiction of self pity. You just can't help it cause it feels good having people pay attention to you for that while.

Egotistical empathy sown into a tangled mess of a person's identity. I don't want to be thrown in a state where I feel the lack of my own ability and relying on the sympathy of others to help me define myself.

And like every addiction, it only tastes good for fleeting moments...and then it passes, the whole cycle starts again before it's a becomes a little too hard after long.

2 comments:

Amelia said...

Hey there! I got your link thru Yvonne Foong's website. I was just wondering what the prices for your earrings/accessories are because I don't see them listed on your Flickr page. Also what forms of payment do you accept? Sorry if you've already answered these questions but I've looked and can't find any answers :(

april yim said...

hey amelia...
it really depends which line of accessories you are looking for.

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but if you're looking for the vanity vault prices, those are on a separate blog itself on http://vanityvault.blogspot.com.

do drop me a mail on vanity.vault@yahoo.com for payment and delivery terms :D I'd be happy to help you out on that.