I'm sorry

I shouldn't have behaved that way online. I'm really sorry. I owe you an apology so magmanimous I don't think I can ever repent for it for decades to come. I was prepared to keep myself away from you when you returned back and even trained for it. I really don't think it's good for us to even speak. The conversations seem to trail off from paved road to vegetatated decaying grounds.

I wish you could understand, I don't want to try this anymore, I don't want to hurt me or you. I don't even want to trigger any possibility or come within proximity of doing that. The further away I am from you, that really would be better. I think its best for both of us. I know it's selfish of me to treat you the way I did just because of some conclusion I've drawn up; but I really don't want it. I'm still very much recovering, I don't want to split the wound open when it still hasn't closed. I told you I was afraid...

I do want to know that you're doing well, but I don't want to hear it from you. Because if it comes from you, then ....

I had to be another person to do this, but I'm in actual fact still the same. I hate doing this. I really do. Please understand.
She now feels: agonised again