4/17/2004

I have yet to understand

Sugar highs can do magnificent things to you. They make your hands imitate the likes of a rollercoaster. Make you mouth sound as loud and move as fast as a machine gun. Force out the most unthought of topics.

There is just too much that I don't understand. I don't think I've ever embraced a peak of maturity. My conscience and life philosophies pull me down back to the foot.

While others talk of relationships that involve deep human connection, Speak of financial problems, mention family turmoil to the last detail, Utter the sound of adulthood distress. I can only whine in reply over unfinished homework, mean friends and naggy parents.

I have everything that I need. I never get what I don't want and always get what I want. I am sheltered by the madness that goes on within bloods akin, I know I will always have food on the table and a roof over my head.

When things go wrong, I would know in theory the next step to think of. On the contrary, I'll be too scared to take the jump when I have never stepped on the issue myself.

I don't comprehend how people can backstab you leaving you the only person to realise what went wrong while the backstabber gets increasingly popular.

I can't get a grip of knowing why office politics and the judgement of people can bring down the strongest, most dignified and proudest.

I don't understand couples with weird relationships can laugh one day, cry the next, laugh and cry, laugh and cry.....

I yearn to know why everystep I take has just something to do with the other person next to me.

I don't see why I can't just continue to be myself and still not intimidate the perceptions of others.

I don't know why I give practical and efficient advice when it doesn't work for me.

I don't understand why guilt doesn't hit people as hard as it hits me

I don't have answers to why I'm being so selfish here.

Am I that young?

Things that can't be taken from books or learnt from another persons experience. I don't suppose I will know until I try it myself. I want a wet slippery stepping stone. The harder the jump the better. I would appreciate better through trial and error. Give me chances to learn. This is after all, growing up. Say what you like then, but I would rather have part kid inside of me even at the height of being an adult.

What's your story?

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