Conversations with myself : The last one

You know you've gotta let go you know...

You know what irks me? I feel like slapping myself and at the same time, I want to give myself a big warm hug and cry endlessly to console my pitiful life.

You're such a sissy A.p.,

Don't you call me sissy. If I am going to face shit with taxes, customers, suppliers, bitches, road hogs, bosses, loans, my family and the neighbour slapping rotten eggs on my car all at the same time, I will show YOU how I'll take this one out.

And yet you're acting so miserable about all that has happened. You're still in the middle of exams and you can't afford to screw up. Last semester. Period.

I feel miserable for attracting attention. Oh yes I know it but why am I not stopping it? Because I ENJOY the attention. Unfair as it maybe to the people who care but I am at the standing in a room leaking with explosive gas and I am THIS CLOSE to lighting a match. Before I do so I want to scream out...

just so I get everyones attention that people can jump on me and blow off that match or, at least witness my glorified annihilation

You are seriously screwed up.

Hey! Don't make me come over there and switch your halo with your wings.

Nah you won't. Doing so would only cause you so much more accumulated misery.

Yes, yes. I'm screwed up.

Would you just look at that blinking taskbar honey. How many people wanna help you poor, sweet April.

GIAHHHH,... *Scratches head in confusion* They're telling me I'm a pretty girl, great girl, I can take my pick from the Pacific if I wanted to.

They're only trying to make you smile ya know.

YOU. Are making me confused.

Can't say I didn't try. And you were making so much fuss about trying. You're not trying. *POOF*

Urgh. I hate it when I contradict myself.


kīlauea said...

Is it really that complicated or you're just thinking too much.