11/25/2005

I'm a friggin sap.

I think I'm too hard on myself sometimes. I want to take the blame for what ever fails me. I want to take responsibility for every parody that plays in my life.

Even though I knew things were getting sore, I wanted to push my patience a little more because I thought you would be worth the rewards. At least even if things don't work out, I would be able to tell myself that I've done all I could, and there isn't much I couldn't do anymore.

As of now, I wonder if I really gave it my all. I'm still doing it though, cause I can never leave a problem hanging when it's wrapped around my neck.

You know you're sore about the relationship when the wounds are still raw and pain to the slightest almost ino the significant touch. It doesn't take a direct stab to the heart or that painful choke by fist but by only which those actions that can't be seen hurt the most.

I found that out while trying to distract myself in a place where we spent almost every weekend together. Again, I was pushing myself, I wanted to face my devils, but they were there as memories to the deepest of details. And as I pass each square meter of the area,...


The number of the rail running clockwise from the escalator on the 2nd floor where you stood with me
The rest area where you disapproved of how I sat
The scratch on the bar of the belt rack where we chose your belt
The tile where i got my heel stuck and you stopped to help me out
How we snuck in ice cream to the theaters
the intensity of the light that glowed on your face by the flowing waters
the joke we shared about my driving while parking the car
how much I loved playfully dragging you to take a look at sweets while you objected
the place where you asked me why I answered questions with another question.
the pressure of your fingers intertwined with mine.
the route you took carrying my whiteboard all the way to the other side of the building


"What's wrong with you?"

"Oh nothing mom, just allergies, makes my eyes watery."

And now, I want to forget all these so badly. Forget them for now so they won't show up taunting my eagerness for moments past that I know for my own good, I can no longer have.

Now that I have them here, at least I would push myself to note the pain and hopefully in the future, gaze upon them as I smile as a reminder of the once precious past.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I still can't listen to a lot of love songs myself.

minishorts said...

*hugs*

Anonymous said...

melissa here...love you lots...take care of yourself...i'll be back for some lovin' soon!

~ai~ said...

=( omg you made me cry~ *huggles* dont think about it~ try keeping it blocked off >.< its not easy, but hopefully with time and the right company to buffer the process, everything will be fine once again <3
i believe in you april~ be strong! we have to go out again soon ^^