12/01/2005

Working it out.

I loved my ex an incredible lot, I adapted myself to a change of lifestyle so that was foreign to me because making him happy meant I would be happy myself. Not to say I'm defending him as I was doing so alot in the relationship especially when I was queried, but I did learn a few things and made some changes that were good for me.

He on the other hand, loved me as well... although in his own healthy freakish way. At least he picked up a slight habit of indulging because of me.

Then again, some people have their own ways of expressing love, one way meant for consideration could mean another's avenue for insult. And it also becomes a question of quantifying the feeling you have for the other person, how deep it's all gone.

So the relationship is about give and take...I stuck to the relationship even though I know it was going to be one rough ride to go through while sentences of comments implying how half-witted i was echoed.

Because at such a point, I believed my feelings were worth the try, I'm was going to give it one more fight;


and another...

and another.


When I came to realise, he was willing to just drop me like a hot potato, it was time to let go. I wasn't worth his time.

A relationship is an investment...where the stakes are unfortunately priced at a vast differences. Here, I felt my efforts were easy to pay off...a smile and a phone call was all it took. But when it was being exploited, sigh.

And then, there are the stake holders, which put their noses in to bother about the value of their 20 year plus investment as well. They're only concerned, can't blame them nor fear them, but i fear their hidden agendas.

'April,...'

'Ya mom?'

'If it's not meant to be your match, don't make it yours.'


'Ok.'

4 comments:

cyber-red said...

sigh i know how u feel.. just blogged about it either

http://cyber-red.blogspot.com/2005/11/i-chose-one.html

Kamigoroshi said...

Well...sometimes I believe in the fight even though at the end of it I lose. It's the principle of the thing. Makes you stronger and more resiliant. Makes you learn...really learn in the end.

april yim said...

this post was more for a friend whom I just spoke to.

cyber-red: just read your blog. You know riki :D

kamigoroshi: yeah, i'm taking a lot of lessons from the whole event. At least...I tried

minishorts said...

Thanks girl. Have agreat trip yeah!