5/14/2006

To love too much tis a sin

My greatest weakness is having to always love too much. I don't believe the point of holding back when I feel that 'yes, this guy loves me, and he is as equally deserving of my love; why shouuld I stop loving when I've already begun'

If you asked me how much I have learnt and if I have bothered to assimilate past experiences into my stubborn psyche the answer would be.

"Yes I learnt, but I just don't want to listen."

It's exceptionally bad for me, I'm too nice a person, I'm too giving. I don't like seeing someone stuck in a bad situation when I have enough investment of power to bring out good. I don't believe in keeping things to myself, cause that only makes me selfish.

So thus begins a process where I constantly feel that I'm not giving enough. Perhaps its because I always leave an impression with alot of people who don't know me better that I have alot to spare.

I accomodate and fuss over what others think of me, especially wanting to see the people I love get the best out of me. And then, some people think me as overbearing.

or,...

I give up too much, that I exhaust myself throughly. I would scratch up debris from those little cracks in the old floor just to get it all sparkly and sqeaky clean. Only to find out that it gets stepped on again and that no oe bothers to read the 'take of your shoes' sign.

I can't always find that happy spot in me and I place both responsibility and blame to ensure that I make others happy. As corny as it sounds, making people happy; makes me happy.

Perhaps it's a cover up for me feeling so dejected and I never feel that I am ever good enough to be accepted in the eye of every different human being.

Definitely now as things have come to be, I'm aware, I am looking for acceptance, that someone would actually help me seal those floor cracks so all I need to do is just mop up.

3 comments:

Kamigoroshi said...

Or...you can close your eyes, take a deep breath, and keep moving foward, one footstep at a time. By the time you let yourself look back, those cracks will be very very far away indeed.

Anonymous said...

Love doesn't have to be so intense or hard...it can be quiet and strong...whilst giving space for the person u love to grow...it shld also help u grow....if u shower a plant too much wif water, it will also die too...U're gonna be alright...bcos God will take care of u...if He can clothe lilies in the fields...y not u? It's not the end of the world...it's just a minor setback...when u overcome this and learn from it...u will b stronger and be able to love better...God is with u whether u believe it or not...take care...

Concerned bystander..

Melissa Lee said...

be strong, be yourself. i'm always here for you. love you lots. you'll make it and come out stronger.