Is 'Sex Therapist' printed on my forehead?

Honestly I have no idea why some people regard me as the IM sex doctor.

Anything wrong with yourself, your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband/lover/partner you drop me a short 'hi' and then cut to the chase.

If you want to tell me how grand was the spray can cheese dripping of the crevasses of your intimate partner's body you keep pressing the enter button when your sentences never reach more than five words:

Eg. "It was good; fantastic; I never felt so good; He was a monster, we pressed and pushed, Lick, lick...yum!"


Thanks for the typed details that I wasn't so keen on knowing but since you told me oh well :) Thanks for the pictures too...They look so ‘swell-ed’ I have no idea where to keep them.

Some of you, don’t quite mean it but then you go carry on the conversations with…
“Enough of me, let’s hear about you :)”

And then you assume that I have surmountable amounts of experience just because I give you 411s and talk of sexual matters in a Ghandi like manner. For goodness sakes... can't some of you just go get some porno movies. In case you haven't check they come for as low as RM5 one, call over you local VCD seller and give him the knowing look. Or if you're so stingy with your money, visit some very good websites online or download the videos/pictures/whatever that you wish.

The questions some of you ask me...not to say I can't give you answers but I can't give you ALL the answers. Lets take for example, a case a few minutes fresh...

Anonymous, age 20, comes up with an answerable yet, unanswerable question...

Anonymous : April, how do girls masturbate?

April: *Thinks: Do I laugh or cry?* Why you ask?

Anonymous: Just wondering. My friend said she did it with a bolster.

April: *Starts having thoughts of a girl with mammoth-sized passage ways..Brrr* Well. Each girl has a different way of doing it. It depends what pleases them.

Anonymous: So how do they exactly do it?

April: There are so many! If I tell you the many, many ways...I will never finish the different examples.

Anonymous: Oh...thanks.


Which then I don't hear from Anonymous 40 minutes and counting after that...


Here's another incident 7 years ago when April was still a Backstreet Boy engrossed teenager flipping through yahoo chat:
April: Whee :) Some one nick named Nick Karter wanna msg me :D
NKarter: Hi. Do you cyber?
April: NO!
NKarter: Ok. Thanks! Bye!
April: *What the hell?*


I didn't read marie claire's sex Q&A/ bear with other stories/ bought the expensive UK version of seventeen magazine/ studied the reproductive system/ civic skills/ shut down cyber sex maniacs or read rosie king to be here for you today. At least cut me some slack on my own private life; don't ask me stupid questions or just pay me a decent amount of consultation fees next time.